Crisis of Self-Confidence


            up over my head

doors locked

            music on

lights off

            knees curled up tight

fisted hands

            eyes closed


I imagine this is where I am

            like a small child

                        hiding at the back of the closet


from the reality of the un-real


I must stand


            eyes open

legs straight


complete crisis

            of self-confidence


tidal wave, as they say

            washing over,       full of inadequate sand.


Insult with a Smile

My inner idealist refuses to admit that sexism can still be a strong player in today’s world.
But sometimes,
Reality Bites.
How do you react to passive-agressive sexism?
Does acknowledging the perpetrator boost his ego, because he thinks he has gotten under your skin?
Does ignoring the situation propel it forward, with increased force?
It isn’t blatant. No one says “Let a man do that for you.”
It is subtle. Tiny comments.
“You asked a really good question in today’s meeting.”
Ironically, this comment came from two different people. From one man, who was sincerely noting my efforts to understand the subject matter.
But the tone and context of the same comment, from a different man, illustrate the condescension. Between the lines, there is a metaphorical pat on the head and a message:
“You’re playing with the Big Dogs, little girl. It’s surprising your lady-brain could comprehend enough to formulate such a question.”
This is a man who is used to being right.
Amongst his peers, he is an expert.
His worldview is set and nothing simple will change his mind.
I AM a badass, and I know it.
Time will validate my status in the Big Dog World.
I take the back-handed compliment, and say “Thank you”
                                                accepting my insult with a smile.



I just noticed a post for “Unequal Terms.” Seems to fit. Link here: